Mask of Similarity – Come Out from Among Them

Each day I strive to maintain a practice of my morning ritual, which usually involves a bit of stretching, forms of shintaido, Buddhist chanting, and journaling.  During my journaling this morning I felt such a surge of renewed energy after the holidays and the stressful move from the old home to the new space we now live in.   It was an amazing resurgence of energy.  I wanted to share the messages that came from my journaling with you today.

Most of us live our lives held back by situations and past stories – a mental and emotional prison, if you will.  While we may be moving along quite successfully, there can be some thing in the back of our mind that comes back to life when activated by specific people or situations.  For example, I experience a very uncomfortable period about 3 to 4 years ago in a corporate position I held.  In my opinion and experience of the situation, the leaders I reported to created a situation (won’t give it power by getting into the details) that was founded in untruths and were based in others discomfort of feeling inadequately skilled to perform their positions (including these leaders in authority of me).  Despite the undeniable success in my role and company, I allowed this situation and these sub-standard performing leaders to make me feel as though I was unsuccessful and less knowledgeable than they.   Why? I didn’t know at the time, other than the fact that we are taught not to question authority or the motives and mindsets of those in authority (organizational leaders, community leaders, etc).  That is where the lesson from today comes in.

It isn’t about who was right or wrong. It isn’t about reliving the frustration and discomfort of the situation. Today I realized that I never really let go of the anger, hurt and being purely disappointed in these two people I had put my trust in.  Yet, today I allow myself the space to let these feelings go and take back the power I had long given these undeserving individuals. Neither they nor the situation they created are worthy of my focus and attention.

Free yourself from the old story
You see. We are free to release ourselves from the “old story” that holds us back.  Often times we don’t even see how the story holds us back, but every now and again the story can re-play in our minds. When this happens, the old story works to limit our greatness and reduce our confidence and self esteem. Today is about taking back the power for yourself and using that power to step out from among those who are stuck in the realm of status quo and mediocrity. Stepping out is a necessity for you to embrace your full greatness and authenticity.  To remain among the heard only keeps you trapped in the mediocrity you have come to find “comfort” in.

So, what do you do? It is time to free yourself from the false comfort you have allowed yourself to remain in, and agree to finally release yourself and realize that you are the one who makes decisions and have choice in the way you lead and live your life. You need not care about the approval of others, nor require recognition from others.  Your greatness, strengths, and wisdom are not validated, nor dependent, on the approval of others. Your life is not validated by the acceptance of others.  Who are these “others” that you would need their approval to validate living and loving the way you know to be the way for you?

We are brought up to feel as though we need to fit in, versus stand out. I was speaking to a group of HR peers once about a success I had in working with a leader who was less than capable of holding the position he held in an organization ( I know, not common but it happens right?).  Following my discussion, I was scolded by my own HR leader for what she called, “grandstanding” in front of our peers.  I felt like a kid who had been scolded by my parent and withdrew inside myself … simmering with anger that later turned to shame.  Why?   I had done nothing wrong. I was asked to speak about the process we had been deploying among our clients and I was speaking confidently about the power of our process and the gaps we had surfaced as a result of the process. AH HA!  I was finally aware of the situation at hand.  Some of the gaps we surfaced made others feel uncomfortable because they had failed in the past to surface these same things when servicing this same client group – this leader. My conversation was elevating our group from among the status quo mediocrity of the “HR team.” It was uncomfortable for them, so the “right” thing to do would be to not cause them discomfort.   Bullshit!  I was grandstanding? No! I was simply standing in my power and expertise.  Yet, I felt bad about it because I had been made to to feel wrong because I was causing an awakening among the “dead.”

Remember! Acceptance from others does not validate or invalidate your successes and expertise.  Sure, what you offer and bring to the table may not be what the organization, circle of friends, or others are comfortable with accepting, or feel ready for. So, the choice is whether to continue to push the envelope with these “groups”, or elect to go where these ideas, strengths and expertise can be better utilized and where the “soil” is ready for the harvesting of the results of your expertise, greatness and unique promise of value.

Come out from among them 

The phrase that came up for me during the journaling was, “come out from among them.” Come out from among them and allow your voice (your unique voice) to emerge from the herd of mediocrity. Allow yourself to shake of the limitations of status quo that poisons the herd.  This poison that lulls the herd to sleep while others excel and surpass their aging and archaic expertise and mindsets of yesterday.  Come out from among them and bypass, no surpass, those who are lulled by the dull sound of “comforting mediocrity.”

Awaken
awaken from the hypnotic sleep you’ve been under – unconsciously hypnotized by the sense of false comfort
remove the mask of similarity that has clouded the vision of yourself and your future
release yourself from the shackles of judgement, which implore you to deny your uniqueness
embrace your own unique power and voice of knowing  
– Thom Qafzezi (2014)

You’ve traded your knowledge and knowing for false acceptance. Minimally rewarded to fit into a shoe designed for someone else who is comfortable with mediocrity. You’ve worn this for so long you are unconscious to the pain of wearing a shoe that is 4 sizes to small.

Being comfortable in “sameness”  is a lie we sell ourselves – and we buy it at a great price.  The price of self acceptance and confidence.  There is greater beauty in the discomfort of emerging – coming out from among the limitations set by others to embrace your authentic and unique self.
There is freedom on the other side of fear, the fear of coming out from among – the shedding of sameness.  Take the first step and decide … then, take the second step and MOVE! The third step is celebrating your freedom.

I would love to hear from those who are struggling to step into their own. Feel free to reach out to me at info@thomqafzezi.com or if you need a little extra help stepping out from among what holds you back, visit It’s Faked Up!™ and check out of offerings to help you jump start your transformation.  By the way, until Jan 31st, 2014 you can take advantage of the upcoming April It’s Faked Up™ curriculum and Bahamas cruise at 50% off the advertised price. To take advantage of this limited time offer, visit Friends and Family to find out more and register. Early registration is recommended, as space is limited to 20 participants.   

My Personal Life on Purpose – Part Eight

Where Do I Go From Here?

So,  here I was without John, Kelly, and Scott.  I had lost my job so who would I turn to now?  So, I packed up and moved home for a brief period of time (brief because it was hell).  I had to go back into the camp of being told I was going to hell, that I was an abomination, and that I was not to tell anyone in our home town that I was a “homosexual.”  I remember my mother telling me, “we live in a small town, so please don’t tell anyone about yourself.  It is an embarrassment and we don’t need that in our lives. Oh, and please don’t bring home AIDS to our house. We are old and can’t handle that either.”  Clearly you can see this wasn’t an atmosphere I was willing to stay in for too long.  Who would want to stay in a place where you are made to feel wrong, less than, and an abomination? And this was from my family.

My friend from Maas Brothers contacted me and invited me to drive over to Tampa with him to go to a bar.  A what?  Yes! A gay bar.  I had never stepped foot into any such place at that time and while scared shitless, It was certainly a better alternative than spending night in the house with mom and dad and the mantle of shame they were continuing to place on me.  So I went.

“Not In Kansas Anymore”

I remember the evening like it was yesterday. I think many of us in the GLBT community recall the moments that were those that helped catapult us out of our “closets”, if you will.  I remember we went the El Goya in downtown Ybor City.  It was a place filled with electricity that you could feel the moment you stood in the long line outside to be let in. It had something like 5 different bars in one building that allowed you to enjoy country, current music, and drag shows.  HOLY SHIT!  This boy was getting a huge education.

I remember seeing my first female impersonation show and amazed at how much these “girls” looked like Cher, Juice Newton, Madonna, Diana Ross, etc.  It as absolutely amazing and I was deeply entertained and enjoying the sense of “community” that this place afforded.   I had found my “tribe.” I felt like I was home among people who were strangers, but were so incredibly welcoming.  Of course, we all shared similar bonds, pains, stories, fears, and longing for freedoms.

Well, we moved to the dance floor area of which I hadn’t danced in I don’t know how long. And then, my friend looks at me and says, “well! here we are. We’re going to leave you alone for a little while and let you get used to your first time out.  Just relax and we will be watching you from over there (he pointed to a corner that looked like it was three miles away).  Before I could say anything to rebut his idea, they were gone.  Oh god!

Can You Feel the Beat Within You?

Oh My God!  This was the song/video playing on the dance floor.  I can recall the heavy beat moving through my body and the smell of the dry ice going across the floor and filling the room.  Lights were flashing everywhere and I was amazed and stimulated mentally by all of the excitement and magic in the air.  Beautiful people. Freedom was oozing out of everyone’s spirits. It was a celebration of being free to be YOU! Then I noticed it and finally understood it. Cruising! It is the intense stare of someone who finds you attractive.  His name was Steve.  And he was cute .. no! he was hot!  Steve made his way over to me and said, “come dance with me.” He proceeded to pull me onto the dance floor before I could even think about it. Oh man! This was moving very quickly and I wasn’t sure what was happening. But, I was going to go with this journey and coming of age experience without reservation.  Besides, what did I have to lose now?  I had lost everything.

Steve and I danced, a bit awkwardly I would admit, as I was trying to adapt to this new environment and take it all in.  Then Steve handed a small bottle over to me with his thumb over the top of it.  What the hell was this? He said, it’s not drugs … just smell the bottle because it will help you relax.  I smelled the bottle and it smelled like nasty feet … I was like, “what the hell is that?  It stinks…” Then .. out of nowhere .. the room calmed, the beat penetrated my entire body and I was dancing with no inhibitions and clinging on to Steve like we had known one another for days.  We made out like there was no tomorrow and danced for hours. This was the most amazing feeling I had ever had in my life.  I gave up control.  I had finally let the final crust of who I had been pretending to be in my life for the sake of church and others to fall dead on the ground. I was 100% free (for the most part).

The next morning I woke up in the arms of Steve and after breakfast he brought me back to meet my friends in Ybor City, and I went home.  I never saw Steve again, but I was grateful that he helped me to connect with who I was becoming at this time of my life.  I would go on to hang with my friends there in Ybor city over and over again.  I met lots of good friends who taught me how to come out and be myself.  They taught me to be proud . This was the beginning of an amazing awakening within my soul. I would learn what it meant to be PROUD of who I was instead of loathing myself.

Then, one night while at El Goya (in the not too distant future), I met “Daniel.” Boy was this going to be a ride to shape my world.  The journey to being PROUD continues.

This video is for those who are struggling with coming to grips with their authentic selves. Yes, while my writing is about coming out into the GLBT community and the world, this song is for anyone.  “You can be so many people, if you make that grab for freedom.” My words to you are:

Never settle for being anything less than 100% authentically you! Never allow mother, father, brother, sister, school mates, church, God, or ANYONE to tell you that you can’t be who you were born to be.   Yes! Sometimes it sucks and sometimes you have to leave people who you once thought loved you (even family), but you are worth being your own unique voice in this world and being 100% YOU! Nothing less than YOU!  As I write this my heart is breaking and my eyes are filled with tears as I recall this amazing journey to myself. It has been almost 30 years of fighting, struggling, reaching, grasping, fighting, and screaming out to be me.  I will never go back into a closet for anyone or anything or any god! Never allow yourself to be made small by someone else or their beliefs.  Find a friend, family member, or someone in the world you can lean on and trust with your story.  Share it with those who deserve to hear it.  Forget about those who aren’t worthy to be in your world – they aren’t worthy to know your story either.  There is plenty of time to try to influence that in the future – today, focus on YOU and loving YOU!

Make sure you do something today to make you feel PROUD!

My Personal Life On Purpose – Part Seven

 

Now what? (Get Straight! Be upright! Be a “Man”! Get Married?)

I wish I could say that I was able to just turn off the immense pain I was feeling from what had happened between Scott and I.  However, I feel that this was the first time I had ever truly been in love.  Of course, there was love relationships with my girlfriends in school, and to date they had all felt relatively real and natural – until Scott.  This was the moment I really felt the depth of love that goes from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.  But at the end of the day, it was over and he was moving on.

I would say it took me months to get to a point where I wasn’t emotional over the thought of him and I think what helped me was the ability to throw myself back into church activities, which included working with another young adult minister at the church to conduct Saturday evening services.  As a musician, what really got me through this was my ability to go inside during he song and worship portion of the evenings and just connect with the music within my heart and soul … it was about the soothing medicine of melody sinking into my soul.

Months went by and things were a bit more normal, and then one evening I was leading the worship portion of the young adult meeting at which time “Kelly” walked into the door of the meeting room.  She was someone new to the group whom had never been there before.  I was struck by the unassuming beauty of this woman to lose herself in worship and praise.  She was very pretty and had such a calming aspect about her.  Her smile won me over and we went out for coffee afterwards. The comfort we felt with one another would lead you to believe we had know one another our entire lives.

Flash Forward

Kelly attended university and was in her final year of her program. We spent practically every day together when she was home from school, and when she was at school I would drive up and see her. We had been dating for about 6 months when I showed up at her dorm room one evening unannounced. I had gone to a local jeweler and purchased an engagement ring and here I was asking her to marry me.  She said yes!!!

We were ecstatic with joy and of course my family and her family were excited about the upcoming wedding. I enjoyed time with Kelly’s family and absolutely loved her two sisters.  Things were going really well. We were spending time together frequently, including occasionally partaking in pre-marital sexual relations (uh oh). I will say that it was relatively enjoyable at that time (after all, it was my second sexual experience beyond Deborah).  We were even having conversations about children and how many children we wanted – good thing too since we hadn’t been using birth control during the time we were together.  There was always the chance we would have been blessed before getting married.  Hmmm!

Also, please know that in the spirit of transparency, I chose to discuss my sexual feelings with Kelly.  I told her that I had been having feelings and attraction toward men for many years in my life (well practically all of my life). Since I had never “sexually” acted on them, I was free to be truthful about the fact that this line had never been crossed, and that I was in love with her and wanted to spend my life with her. She agreed and we would work on this together.  I would go to counseling.

Also, because we were getting married and I was working only as a teller at a neighborhood bank, I decided to take a second job at Maas Brothers Stores to save up money for the wedding and honeymoon.  Things were joyous and going well.  I was working in the men’s department where suits and sportswear were sold. Everything was going well, until …..

Dear John

So you may be wondering about where my feelings for men (or Scott) had done at this point.  In retrospect, I believe it was there all the time, but I had denied that portion and pushed it as far down as I possibly could – I focused on what was happening around the wedding. Also, I would continue to go to counseling and have discussions around my sexuality and the “struggle” I was having with sin. The counselor I was seeing belonged to the church I attended. What is needed to be known here is that during this time I was becoming aware of the fact that the more I learned about myself and my feelings, the less I believed in my “religion”. The less I believed in that aspect of my life, the stronger the emergence of myself and who I was created to be – naturally.  Now, don’t get me wrong .. there was still a battle here inside because the old engrained world of “religion” was still deeply rooted and fighting against the even older hidden (but not realized) nature of who Thom was born to be.

So, I was working at Maas Brothers one afternoon and was approached by a customer to help him pick out some suits and outfits. He was from Ft Lauderdale and visiting his father for the spring break week.  He introduced himself as John and also asked if I went to a specific church, as he thought he had recognized me from there as well.  He was correct.

We spent quite a bit of time (about an hour) looking for many suits and shirts for him to take back home with him, and it was important that we also had them tailored for him before he went back. What he needed next was ties and I would need to hand him off to a co-worker who worked in men’s furnishings. However, when we went to that department he stated he wanted me to assist him and if that weren’t the case he wasn’t going to buy anything else. Obviously they asked me to step in, but I did so with the help of my co-worker Scott, who worked in the area.

Long story shortened …  John left and called the store about an hour later to say thanks for all the help I provided. He also asked if he could come and take me to lunch for being so accommodating.  I told him I wasn’t sure that was a good idea, but thanked him for his gratitude.  Next, I received a phone call from men’s furnishings. It was Scott.  Scott asked, “Do you now how much that guy (John) was cruising you while you helped him?”.  Huh? I had no idea what Scott meant by that word. He later defined for me that it meant he was interested in me and that I hadn’t even realized how intensely John had been watching me and showing “interest” in getting to know me.  In any event, I was kind of glad I hadn’t agreed to go to lunch with him, because I was leaving that part of my life buried.

Famous last words

The following day, John came back into the store to buy a couple more things.  I was a bit nervous now because of what Scott had said to me. I finished up with John rather quickly and thought I had sent him on his way, until he came back around the corner and said, “please let me take you to lunch. I really want to say thank you for what you have done for me. It’s only lunch ….”

I was nervous, flattered, curious and hugely intrigued by this person. It seemed quite natural (looking back) to say yes. So, I did say yes.  At that moment there was something, though I don’t know what, that seemed to drop away from me.  Something that fell from my shoulders that would free me up of so much weight I was carrying (even though I don’t believe I realized it was there).  I felt open … alive … and … free. Still not sure where that came from and why simply saying yes would have made this happen, but it did.

Now remember, I was a naive little “Christian” boy when it came to things like this, so I agreed to grab lunch and go back to my apartment (near to work) to have lunch and talk.  I can see you are probably already thinking … “uh huh! First mistake.”

While we sat and ate lunch John looked over at me and said, “Thom, you know we aren’t alone.  There are others like us at the church.”  I replied with a confused look and said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Then John put his food down and reached over to pull me closer to him for a long embrace.  I let him. We both began to cry.  I knew what he was talking about now.  We began to make out .. the sky rockets shot off into the sky … I felt like I had just woken up to life for the first time in my life.   Sure , I had experiences like this with Scott, but this was the first time it was hidden … it wasn’t something to be ashamed of.  This was someone who was showing me that everything could be okay… I could be me.

The Walls Come Tumbling Down

John spent time with me that day and for about 3 to 4 days afterwards.  For me, the world as I knew it has slipped away in a second … in the snap of a finger.  I was floating in water that felt comfortable and lulled me into such beautiful pleasure and feeling of belonging. We spent days and evenings hanging out at the apartment and on the final day before he was due to go back to Ft Lauderdale, I remember thinking, “Oh God! He is leaving! What do I do now? By this time I was only 18, maybe barely 19 years of age.  I was still emotionally immature and not really knowing what this meant to me. So, we spent the last day by the pool of the apartment complex getting sun and enjoying one another’s company. We finally decided to go back to the apartment to take a nap, and enjoyed a bit of time with one another as we kissed and prepared to say goodbye.

Then there came a noise. What was that?  Someone had come in the door of the apartment.  But how could that be?  I had locked the door and nobody else had a key to me place … except Kelly.  But she was away at school.  This wouldn’t be her.   Yet, it was! Kelly had decided to come home to surprise me and to stay a few days with me at the apartment before anyone knew her term was over. This would allow us to spend time together before family knew she was back in town. Oh! My! God!

Let me describe the final scene as it played out, as it is still locked in my memory.  I jumped out of the bed with my bathing suit on and no shirt. I run out of the bedroom and into the living room to stop her and John comes out of the room behind me, also with his bathing suit on and no shirt.

Thom: Kelly! What are you doing home?

Kelly: I thought I would come home to surprise you and spend some time alone with you.  [She notices John] But, it seems like I am the one with the surprise.  I am done Thom.  [She removed the ring from her finger and throws it down on the floor of the apartment]

I ran to her car and caught her before she left and told her how sorry I was and that I really want to talk about this.  Kelly was more than mature and had obviously thought this through because what she said next was amazingly mature, despite the pain I was causing her.  She said, “Thom. I am going to go home and we are not going to see one another again. There is no reason why our families have to know why we aren’t getting married. In fact, let’s just tell everyone that we decided we moved too fast toward this wedding and we are too young to commit to this. We both decided that it would be best to spend some time apart to figure things out.”

And she left …. and John left …. I was laid off of my job at Maas Brothers, and fired from my other job.  That is another story for another day, but I remember sitting there thinking … what now?  Everything is gone.

Before I move on to the next writing, even though this will be a bit off cycle, I feel it is best to close the chapter on Kelly before moving on to other aspects of the future – just to keep this compartmentalized.  Kelly and I saw one another a couple of months after our breakup.  I had moved away (more on that in the next blog post) and she drove over to visit me.  We had dinner and checked in on where we both were at this stage of my life. She obviously realized I was on my way to finding myself, despite the fact that I still felt strong feelings for her and wanted her to be happy.  I also hated the pain I put her through because I could see it in her eyes.  But what would make her come to see me? Why would she come to speak to me after all of this pain? After this amount of time with no contact? I may never know … but I heard she married a number of months after our meeting.  What I make up about this and wonder to this day?  I feel as though she came to talk to me about us and to see if I had made different decisions.  I feel she may have been pregnant and wanted to see if there was a possibility of things having changed. She disappeared following this conversation and I never heard from her again despite many attempts to contact her in the future (even as far back as 3 or 4 years back).  I may never know.  And, now that I think about it … Deborah married quickly after she broke it off too. Hmmm. I guess I sent women packing to get married – QUICK! 

Next: Where do I go from here? 

 

 

My Personal Life on Purpose – Part Five

Home Alone

Not long after meeting Scott, my parents had to go out of town for a family thing in the Northeast.  Despite the fact  I was now in my first year of college, they insisted on my not staying alone and needing a companion. So, Scott and I talked about it and my parents felt comfortable with him being the person to stay there with me.  By the way, had that not been the case I would have had to stay with an aunt or uncle in the area (huh? Did I say I was in my first year of college?)

Well, Scott came to stay the weekend and we had a great time hanging out.  We watched television, laughed and played around a lot – including having a water fight in the house.  Talk about releasing boyhood tension. During the course of the weekend were wrestling around in the living room and shared and intimate moment that brought the realization of attraction to the forefront. We quickly brought the activity to a close. End scene!

Series of Events

Despite the fact that we called it quits on the activity we experienced during the “home alone” adventure, there was still strong attraction on both of our parts as we moved forward to changing schools – to the Bible college.  I don’t recall all of the discussions and events leading up to this, but essentially we both began to stay at one another’s houses (daily) and had moments of intimacy that deepened our relationship.  In addition, we began to skip chapel, which was a requirement of attending the school, and head out to “hang out” with one another. Often we would go to Red Lobster and sit in the bar to chat.  Or, we would go hang in the car at the parking lot where we would lay the seats back and just talk.  There was even once we went to Scott’s dad’s place (his parents were divorced) and we actually spent some time exploring the physical nature of same sex attraction.  It was not something we were familiar with and hadn’t experienced to that degree – it was awkward, yet exciting at the same time.

What I will outline below are some of the more prominent moments that stuck out in my mind then, and today.

Scott and I did everything together and went everywhere together.  Everyone knew us as best friends (which we were) who were always together outside of school, at church, etc. I remember that once we were staying at his parents house while they were all out of town and it was during this time that we began to further explore our sexuality. We were sharing moments that we hadn’t shared with others to this point (that I know of anyhow) and it was evident to me that this relationship and our feelings were deepening my understanding – my emerging knowledge of who I was at my core.  Without recognizing it then, we had formed a relationship with one another that was exclusive to each other (despite the fact that we hadn’t consciously made this decision or pact). In fact, I realize not that it wasn’t a conscious decision to stop dating women on my part – it naturally progressed that way.

I remember once that Scott came to stay at my house one evening and my parents were home.  As usual we spent time with my parent before turning in for the night.  However, this time was different.  Scott introduced me to my first real drink … a vodka gimlet. Strong little buggers they are. We managed to sneak vodka, lime juice and ice into my room for a little lights out party.  This evening we continued to deepen the emotions that existed between us and I think that I realize now that I had fallen in love with this guy.  And for me, the guilt of this was no longer in the picture.  It felt as natural to me as it could possibly feel.  We must have been a little loud because my father banged on the window outside telling us we better keep it down.  [Note: My father never brought that moment up to me.. ever!]

A Moment of Truth

One last event, though there were many more in between, that sticks out in my mind was a weekend Scott and I went camping. This was perhaps the most critical moment in our “relationship” (from my perspective).  We were camping over night and had spent some time during the day hanging out in the wilderness (campsite was on Peace River in Florida).  Looking back and forward today, this relationship and moments of this evening reminder me of some of the scenes in Brokeback Mountain, although it was no movie and not acting on our parts. This would be real feelings and real emotional pain.

During the evening we drank more gimlets and talked a lot about what was happening, yet not really addressing what was becoming of us – as a relationship.  Well, until the liquor removed our inhibitions. Scott looked into my eyes and we began to embrace one another and for the first time we were really enjoying the closeness of one another. It was at this moment that Scott began to sob. I can still shut my eyes today and remember the instance where he looked at me (sobbing) and asked, “Why? Why can’t God understand this? I feel so much for you, I love you, but we both know this is wrong? We can’t do this! Why can’t we just be together? Why is it wrong?”  I had no response. Although, now in hindsight I was probably thinking, who gives a shit!  We both held one another, cried and fell asleep.

I don’t even recall what happened next, except that moment (that entire night) stuck with me so deeply and I remember feeling empty, cold, unsure of what was to come of us.  I had felt safe and secure in what was happening to that point, but something  shifted that evening. Despite what we shared, I had this sinking feeling that things were really about to change – and not for the better.

Coming in part six: Who said “denial” was a river in Egypt? 

“Everyone” is Porcelain/Plastic

So, this will be an interesting post because it made me think, and also challenged some of my own perceptions.

This weekend I spent some time with family, friends, colleagues and fellow coaching buddies. During the course of the conversation we were speaking about the upcoming life coaching event I and my business partner are putting together.  We were discussing how difficult it was to get individuals in Miami to sign up for the event.  I mean, doesn’t everyone want to live a happier and more fulfilled life and be more authentic in their lives, relationships, careers, etc?

During the many conversations had, someone said that their impression was that Miamians (get ready for a generalization) were not interested in self exploration and improving themselves.  They felt that people in Miami were more, “plastic” or porcelain, and were all about aesthetics, impressions, partying, dancing, and what comes easy versus self actualization and self developmental things.

I had to step back for a moment and analyze my experience over the past 22 years, and did pause for a moment to agree with them to a certain degree – as that was my experience as well – generally speaking!

But, I have also come across small groups of individuals who are about exploring their lives more deeply and wanting to break the pattern of the “rut” in their lives and begin to reshape their lives, careers, relationships.  They want to do the work that can get them close to the life they dream of living, or give to their families, and stop just “surviving or getting by” and really live life full on doing what they love – being who they were born to be.

So, I have to say that there is a percentage of truth in the impression of my friends and colleagues, and there is a sliver of hopefulness that negates the impression from being widely spread across the board.

Ahhh duality! I have met with many individuals who are experiencing emergent changes in their lives currently, and some who have been experiencing the same emergent changes over and over again for years.  Yet, these “changes” continue to paralyze them (inaction), which simply keeps them repeating them over and over again and applying the same old rules, models and way of doing things.  And it fails over and over again!  They continue to present themselves as a porcelain shell of their true selves to protect themselves from moving forward beyond fear, and to keep up the facade with those in their lives that “everything is cool.”  They are faking it .. in hopes of making it.

Then there are those who bravely dive into wanting to do what it takes to keep growing, changing, moving and creating excitement and newness in their lives, careers and relationships.  These individuals are “the few – the proud”, no I don’t mean the marines … They are the brave heroes who are in their lives to “live it” and “win it.”  They aren’t sitting on the sidelines cheering their favorite teams or people in their lives to achieve big – they are cheering themselves on to win big, play big, and love big!

What side are you on?  Let us help you break the porcelain and emerge as the truest, biggest, wildest authentic you that you can be!   The world is waiting for you to be YOU, not the shell of yourself or someone you think you should be.

It all starts with getting clear on what it is you want more of in your life.  Where do you want to play big?  you were born with the unique DNA inside of yourself to make these things happen. You were born naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.  You are amazingly unique and capable.   I hold you bigger than you hold yourself … I see you as manifesting your greatness and talents … And, together we can empower the coaching relationship to make your dream a reality.