Today as I did my morning ritual I was richly aware that my focus was on the aspect of giving thanks and recognition to the core of my being. Just like the earth has a center that plays a purpose for our planet, it is also impacted by the external forces of the universe and planet’s inhabitants.
Translating this to our own personal lives, we too have a core that feeds our being. It is the central holding place of our dreams, values, passions, and desire for purpose and meaning to others and in our world/community/relationships. And, likewise our own core is impacted by external forces and our planet’s inhabitants.
We are all born to be naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. We are meant to be on purpose with the desires, dreams of our hearts, longings in our soul to create beautiful happenings in our lives, communities and relationships. And, then life happens and we begin to influenced by well-meaning parents, school systems, religious institutions, society etc. We begin to die personally inside a bit over time because of the conscious and unconscious (most are unconscious by the way) agreements we hold true to for most, if not all of our lives.
These agreements are often based on limited beliefs, fears, insecurities, and even old wives tales of others who likewise were fearful of living as big was they were created to be. You see, as a coach I hold my people bigger than they hold themselves. Because most times we are playing small and don’t even know it. Why? Because sometimes there is comfort in not being truly seen. Not feeling different or alone – set apart from others. Over time we literally become someone who others want us to be – rarely living the unique pattern of being that each of us was individually created to be. We send so much time doing what we’ve made up is the right things to do, that we have lost the intention to BE first, and then DO based on that dream of being, or becoming.
Let me share analogy with you. Today I was looking in my backyard as I did my walking meditation – seeking my intention for today (i.e. mindefulness). As I took in the collectiveness of the entire yard, I was drawn to a lizard who was walking along the fence. (Some of you may be saying – “oh brother”. Well this could be because you are reacting based on unconscious agreements in your life. Trust me! I have been there too and still go there too sometimes.) In any event, I was drawn to the color of the lizard. It was the exact color of the wood stain we have on our fence. had it not been for it’s slight movement I would have missed it completely. It blended in that well. The lizard does this so he/she is not seen by predators. For the purpose of my blog post, let’s simply say it is so that it can remain virtually unseen.
In life when we are denying the uniqueness of our core, the person we are truly at our core, we are most likely living our lives like the lizard. We are adapting and taking on the color of those around us – the acceptable person we are expected to be – so that we can remain virtually unseen.
People go to work every day performing a role/function they can do well, but in the end – don’t really care for it and experience burnout over and over again on a daily basis. Sometimes these same individuals work for companies and leaders whose values and beliefs are so different from that of their own, yet they remain in spite of the discomfort and lack of alignment.
There are leaders in organizations and government who are completely non-authentic. They put their role on each morning, as they do their suits, and hop on stage to be the most inauthentic person – to blend in rather than take a stand for ________. And, they are leading our companies and our workers as if no-one knows the emperor is naked, often times into the ground with little to know care for their impact on the stakeholders (workers, investors, etc).
There are relationships where both parties to the relationship are acting out roles that aren’t working for them, but continue to act out the role and adapt their color for the sake of fitting in – for the sake of what society or family feel is “right”. (Ever saw the movie Pleasantville?)
All of these situations are most likely a result of individuals, whole communities and society, whom have bought into agreements around what they “should be” versus being “who they are at their core.” You know, most people would say that being betrayed by someone is the worst thing that can happen to them. The feelings of betrayal go deep into the heart of us as humans. Betrayal by our relatives, spouses, companies, etc. It is horrible and it feels like something you can never come back from once it has been done “to you.”
Here is an inquiry for you to ponder. How many times have you looked at the way you are betraying yourself? Every day you are the lizard in your life, you are betraying yourself. That unique person that you were meant to be is being betrayed for the sake of what? Fitting in? Safely knowing your accepted? For what? The faked up you? You’re being accepted (maybe) for the person you want others to believe you are and love being, while many times is completely divergent to the person you really are (and really want to BE in the world).
The younger generations have it right in some ways. They are non apologetic for being exactly who they are and want to be. And, if we were to follow a 2% truth rule (that there is at least 2% truth in everything), we could really capitalize on the example they provide to the world. BE! Be the person you were born to be…. it is never to late to start.
Many people have been inauthentic for so long they have lost site of the person they once were, or dreamed of being in the world. That’s normal! Like the core of the earth, the inner core has hardened due to the experience on the surface. The agreements made have been done so without intentionally accepting and rejecting what doesn’t serve you. So much so that you have become the vision of someone elses dream, not your own.
That is where I can help. As a coach I get the pleasure of going on the journey with my clients to unearth the unique self within each person, leader, relationship, team, etc. It is amazing to experience the journey of each person collectively and individually. It is the greatest gift on earth to watch someone rediscover themselves and move into powerful actions to seize their lives and live on purpose each and every day for the rest of their lives.